Oh dear! And I have been so nice about WCRS recently. I even reported on what fun it had been to be on the receiving end of chairman Robin Wight's lunchbox in the Ivy.

So when people I respect asked me cryptically if I had seen WCRS's new 3 mobile network campaign, I naturally assumed that it would be wonderful - especially as it was directed by those masters of Swedish mirth, Traktor.

Like I said, oh dear! OK, it is beautifully shot, and yes it has a lovely soundtrack: "Forgotten Dreams" by that noted American composer of light concert music, Leroy Anderson. But what does it all mean?

Since returning to London from New York, something has bugged the hell out of me on my 19-stop Tube journey on the District Line in the morning. No, not the usual delays and sweatiness, and the new breed of fool that has to listen to Eighties disco music on their mobiles without headphones. It's more delicate than that.

Commuters on the London Underground smell worse, not just than those on the New York Subway, but the Paris Métro too. I don't just mean their smoke-steeped clothes, or their wool-encased armpits struggling with summery temperatures, but their breath too.

It's not surprising, given the level of orthodentistry, oral cosmetic surgery and just plain old flossing that takes place in the US, that mouths there are less poisoned by tobacco (because of the New York smoking ban) and alcohol (because of American puritanism) and smell that little bit sweeter than in stale old London.

Perhaps halitosis is what this 3 ad is supposed to be about, because I am buggered if I can think of another scenario. How else to explain everyone opening their mouths only for multicoloured balls of silk to emerge from them and float along unravelling through the streets before enwrapping other people a good long distance away?

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