I'M SLIGHTLY embarrassed by the bagpipe dirges played when American newspapers drop employees like autumn leaves. Some columnists practically bawled over the accelerating decline and decay of the American newspaper.

How many tears rolled down columnists' cheeks when GM announced it would cut 30,000 jobs by 2008? Their self-pity showed that some journalists believe the planets orbit around them.

But suicidal corporate geniuses leaped into the Internet before figuring how to get the money off the dresser. Because everyone else was doing it, newspapers raced to post content on the Net for free, which is like burning furniture to warm your house. Eventually you're left in the cold with no place to sit.

In addition to dumb, newspapers were dishonest. Some big ones falsified circulation numbers. Some reporters were revealed as cheats. Credibility tumbled.

Newspapers scrambled for circulation with futile schemes that could have been devised by Wile E. Coyote. Some offered sudoku, some tried Lucky Bucks, many inserted color posters of athletes. Nothing worked, the idea tank is dry.

And they're not. Daily newspapers are dropping dead almost as fast as daily newspaper readers. Newspapers are an "old people's " medium in a youth-dominated market. Worst of all - they're not cool.

Once printed, they are thrown into carbon dioxide-belching trucks that clog highways and irritate commuters. When you pick up the "product," your hands get dirty.

TV news would be free to give viewers what they want - more weather, cute animal videos, traffic accidents, house fires and "special reports" on the dangers (or promise) of cosmetic surgery.

Blogs are an excellent source of "news," much of it overheard and passed along by the blogger's girl friend. If she's sick, the blogger can make something up. No editors or accountability gum up the works.

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