A CHILDHOOD victim of sexual abuse who suffered years of depression, Angela Symons, 25, took the decision to go under the surgeon's knife in a bid to rebuild her self-esteem. She had her breasts enlarged and liposuction on her thighs and hips. Here Angela, from Plymouth, talks with searing honesty about how she feels that surgery turned her life around...

I was in Malaysia and had just I undergone breast augmentation and liposuction. Looking at the reflection of my new 34D chest, I felt like a new woman. My previous 36A cups were g one, along with low self-esteem and years of depression.

Even when I'd been wheeled into the operating theatre, part of me still didn't believe the procedure was about to happen. For years I'd waited for this moment and as I approached the theatre, all I could think about was my four-year-old daughter Lauren who was back in the UK with her grandparents. Still, I knew it was the point of no return. And I urged myself to remember the reasons why I'd chosen this path.

I'd spent my entire life trying to keep the abuse hidden and became a very introverted child. While my older brother Simon was the outgoing, happy one, I felt worthless and uninteresting.

In 1999, I was devastated when Simon died. I was 18 and he was 25. He was serving in the army when he was diagnosed with bowel cancer. Although I was used to him being away from home, nothing prepared me for losing him. Afterwards I sunk into a depression and often wished it was me who had died. Besides, who would miss me if I was gone?

I toyed with the idea of changing my name. It would be a fresh start and allow me to close the door on the terrible memories of the past. But I knew it wouldn't boost my confidence so I decided against it.

That was when I started thinking about surgery. Instead of seeing a woman when I looked in the mirror, I saw the vulnerable little girl who was abused all those years ago.

My body image had been distorted because of the abuse and my flat chest acted as a painful reminder. I felt like a little girl, plagued by problems. Inside I was still a child who had dealt with adult issues before my body was ready.

Of course there are times when I revert to being that frightened child. But on the whole I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I have in years.

But now the scars have faded and I look like a grown-up. I can look sexy when I want to and no longer see myself as a woman trapped in a child's body.

So my abuser walks free - something I think about often. I confided in a friend who had been abused by the same person and they suggested we go to the police, but I don't have the strength.

For me it's always a double-edged sword. I gain a little more confidence but then worry that people might not like me because I'm stronger and more opinionated.

But I'm learning to stand up for myself. I think the surgery has helped create a fresh start for me and given me a different perspective on life.

I feel like I've woken up from a coma - I wanted something to jerk me back into line, get me out there living life instead of just dragging myself through it.

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